So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
