T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
