Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
