My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
