i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
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