We won't sleep together?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
