we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
