she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
