Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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