If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You have to summon your inner elephant
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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