you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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