You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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