conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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