I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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