i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I have feelings that need drinking.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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