I think i sorta joined a cult last night
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
