Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
