ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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