I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
