What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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