He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
