Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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