I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
