all she had left on were here heels. phone five
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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