OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I faked an abortion last night.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Randomize
