Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize