You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
