I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
A bitchslap is in order.
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