The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
