Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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