oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
my penis made a compromise with my morals
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
