Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
