Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
