Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
