Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
