Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
