im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
