Whats the glycemic index on semen?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
