this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
