Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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