Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
