end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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