I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
