oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
