I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
