Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Randomize
