I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
