Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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