Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
