Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
