I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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