If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
