I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
