Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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