No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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