dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
