end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
