can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
