your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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