She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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