I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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