I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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