I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
