you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
