i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
