You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
