did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
