I wannas sexs uuuuu
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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