Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
