I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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