I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
