I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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