I don't usually arrange sex via text message
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
