i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
