i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
