I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
