I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
