Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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