I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
false alarm. still invincible.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
