I want to stick my p in your. b.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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