I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
