am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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