based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
