tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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