your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
