Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
