Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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