i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
