its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
